Tired of being lost- want to follow God's way,

desire to follow the Bible- yearn to never again stray.

  I've failed myself- God can free me of my sins,

how do I rid myself of the pain I contain within?

   Want to be washed- set myself free,

how do I let it all go Lord- let you fully lead me? 

  When I was just a little girl,

I dreamed that I owned the world.

  My toys could talk to me,

my imagination gave me things others couldn't see.

  I would tell people I was going to have twelve beautiful babies,

and my transportation would be a big yellow bus- boy was I crazy?!

   As time grew on and days went by,

I imagined I was a bird- dreamed I could fly.

  My babydolls would play with me- teaparties and such,

I  was satisfied with anything- to me, it didn't take much.

  Now that I'm grown, I've come to realize one very important thing,

one of the essential keys in life is to allow yourself to dream. 

  I want to dance in the rain,

let the water wash away the hurt I contain.

  Free me from my pain and sorrow,

lead me towards a better tomorrow.

  So tired of failing and tired of crying,

outside I'm happy- inside I'm dying.

   Desires to follow the narrow path and let the Lord lead my life,

want to give up this broad path- find a way to get away from this strife.

  It's illusions of happiness and peace has brought me nothing but

  pain,

I'm covered in failures and hide by shame.

  To fail myself- I've done that many days,

to trust in God- I have to find my inner faith.

  It's hard a lot because I feel so alone,

feelings I harbor- I'm sure God wouldn't condone.

  Trying to understand the Bible so I won't set myself up for more

   failure or pain,

I want to be free from my past and find the trust and faith I know I contain. 

Finding Myself

Finding Myself; Who am I?

a mother, a lover, a sinner, a saint, why?

A Mother...

God Blessed me with my children,

I love them...no matter what, no matter why, no matter when...

Their smiles will take away the worst stresses around,

their hugs and kisses will make my life seem sound.

A Lover...

God Blessed me with the gift of love,

I love all people...no matter what...

I have those that I once harbored hate for, but forgive and ye shall be forgivven...

Needless to say; I have forgivven and I am forgivven myself...no matter what price I paid for the others sins.

A Sinner...

Let's see...a sinner....I have my boys...I have my life...I have them all in sin,

as I only married my oldest son's father and children without marriage isn't God's way;however, I feel as if I am still in.

I know that God understands myself and the positions I have been in,

I feel that he forgives me of my sins.

A Saint...

I worship my Lord...with love like no other,

he is more than one could imagine him being in my life...he gave me the joy of being a Mother!

I worship my Lord...with every breath that I breathe,

He blessed my life with Love...By giving me my children, he helped give love back to me. 

I Love My Life...Yes, I have stresses and struggles as everyone else; however, the smile of my boys every morning...the laughter throughout the days.....Everything has been worth it; the heartaches, the pain, and the happiness.  My Children mean more to me than anyone could ever imagine!  I might not be the perfect mother, I might have a past that lingers...however; I love my children and I love my Lord.  I love my privlage that God gave to me when he granted me that privlage to be a Mother and I will treat it as such no matter what!  My boys are my world

Last thing to say....Praise You Lord!

  I want to be free from my sin and sorrow,

I want to live life for a better tomorrow.

  I want God as my Father, glory, and my Lord,

I want to walk this road of life like never before.

  I want to have him lead me and take myself places where I have

  never been,

I want him to free my life from the parts where I have done wrong and sinned.

   I want to teach my boys how to be God fearing fathers one day,

who know how to be a daddy and also knows how to drop to their knees to pray.

  It doesn't seem easy to grow up in life these days,

there's never much time for one to laugh and play.

  There are so many different roads you can choose to take,

and you will sometimes wonder if the path you are on was the right choice to make.

  If you mess up once you have to start all over from the beginning,

attempt to set goals and always strive to achieve your dreams.

  There's not much time to choose the wrong path more than once,

and if you fail a second time; don't loose faith or think you are a dunce.

   Take time and think through the different paths you have laid out to

   walk,

if you get discouraged it is okay to kneel down and ask God for a moment to talk.

  Enjoy all of lives many wonders and miracles as you go,

don't belittle yourself or let anyone else knock you down low.

  Everyone is equal in the eyes of God up above,

don't travel too fast- slow down and experiance life with love.

  If ever you feel that you won't make it alone on the path you are

  towards,

don't be afraid to call me and I'll do what I can to help you move forward.

  Don't get caught up in street gangs and drugs,

no matter what though, I will always be here to give you a mothers love.

   You are my baby angel and that will always remain true,

and no matter what; always remember that Mommy Loves You! 

  When I bow to my knee,

I have many things I feel compelled to say,

  God, why did all of those terrible things happen to me.

Why, God, is the world like it is today?

  I pray, dear God, make this life easier for me to live in,

I have so many struggles that I encounter day to day.

  Why, God, must I live in a world so utterly full of sin,

Why, dear God, I sullenly pray.

  I have read some scriptures from your Holy Book,

I know from Job 5:18 that you wound but also bind, and injure but also heal.

   God, I'm sorry, but I've just received too many terrible lessons and 

   precious dignity that was took.

God, I come to you in prayer, when I kneel.

  God, I know that you can't answer my prayers directly,

but I know from Psalms 86:6-7 that I should come to you,

  I ask you questions, you show me happiness, it is because of you 

  that my overbearing troubles do flee.

God, I pray, why must my good memories still be few?

  God, I know that you create everyone with the best that you can 

   give,

Why, I ask God, do so many people still turn from you,

  God, I look at this world, and I have to ask myself, "Lord, why must 

   I live?"

God, why can't everyone understand all of the hard work it takes to create miracles as you do?

  God, I know a lot of my questions will not come back with an 

   answer,

I sometimes feel the pain Job did in 16:6 in speaking out my feelings.

  God, I don't see how people who do wrong can not allow their

   conscience to lure,

I want to tell others about you God, but what if I say the wrong things?

  God, please allow me to become stronger in your beliefs and do

  things your way,

allow me, dear God, to do things as you instruct me,

  allow me to teach others of you and let them know what I hear 

   when I pray.

God, I pray, that you would give me the strength to help others see in you the same that I see.

--Wrote 7-6-1999 

  It has been hard to grow up in the world as it is today,

everyone deals with life in their own special way.

  There are many positive ways to deal with things,

set a few goals and walk through muddy waters to achieve all of your dreams.

  Sit back, relax, and take it one day at a time,

slow down to marvel at the miracles that you may find.

  There are many different positive things one can do,

listed above are just a minimal few.

  There seems to be even more negative ways to deal with things,

set no boundaries and laugh at others who don't achieve their dreams.

  Sit back and drink every minute away- glass by glass,

be jealous of others success and do your best to knock them on their ass.

  Smoke life away; joint by joint; puff by puff,

or turn to some of the more dangerous types of drugs.

  One can pick the wrong way to deal with life,

and can manage to turn around and find the positive answers to end their strife.

  So if you feel that you have had a harder life to deal with,

know that everyone grew up with problems and nobody's life is a perfect fairytale myth.

  The ones that look like they have never lived a harsh day at all,

are just the ones who chose to get up and walk rather than let themselves fall.
 

  I come down,

but never go up.

  What am I?

  When I come,

it's normally a dreary day.

  What am I?

  When I go away,

it normally brings sunshine and happiness.

  What am I?

  I could be a number of things,

for all the different emotions that I seem to bring.

  What am I?

  I could be the rain,

falling faithfully from the sky,

   What am I?

  I could be the tears,

dropping from a young girl's eyes.